Lots of changes, too soon, too large.

Firstly, I've been at RIT for about a month, and I'm happy. My dorm is a little hectic, but I asked for the experience, and I'm getting it. I've been told that this year is going to be stressful for people in my major, because they admitted a lot of people and administration wants to give the old freshman dropout rate a healthy push forward. And while it's true that I have a 10-15 page paper due on Monday and I've had to look at the face of bases 2, 6 and all their friends, I'm challenged and it feels great. High School felt so futile, now I have responsibility to my own well being and it feels good to have a reason to get up in the morning.

On the other hand, I'm sure you may have heard I was in town this weekend. I had planned to come anyway on business regarding a certain band of Grizzly Bears, but that was sidetracked on tuesday.

I had just come back from Discrete Math, and feeling tired I took a nap at 10 am. I was later awoken by a call from my mother, and evoking Scream suspense, she was right outside my door. "Your father..." and like last October, I felt I knew what would come next.

I really wasn't prepared.


The circumstances of it were poetic and worthy of a great movie which garners little popularity due to it's grave content.
It didn't help that my assignment for the previous day was to read The Diving Bell and The Butterfly.

So we traveled to Little Falls on Thursday to attend, the whole time thinking of unfamiliar faces that would appear, shake my hand and pat my back, and then walk away to remain unknown but to the host.

As crushing as the reality of it is, that was one of the best days of my life. I loved my father, and I will never shake the guilt of those months of silence. As people recalled and joked of all the things that drove us apart, I couldn't help but feel like a suspect of some sort. As many reminded me, "Your father really loved you, Aaron."

All I could think was of that they felt like I needed reminding.


If I told you some mumbling of why I'm in town, please understand, I just feel uncomfortable bringing it up. You're all my friends, but I always feel hesitant to bring up some awkward topic that people aren't familiar with. None of you met him. If you heard anything, it was probably some tiny sliver of his existence that most didn't see at all. All you need to know is that he was my father, and as much hatred I spewed, it was only because it's so much easier to focus on the shading than the color.

I hope everyone's having a good time, college or otherwise, and I want to see ALL of you some time soon.